My visit with Suzie

I just got back from my visit with Suzie. This visit was an emotional one.

When I first walked into Suzie's room, she was repeating the word "fuck". When she saw me, she said, "You are apple". She kept repeating this while her voice continuously got louder. After a while, she would calm down, drop back to a talking tone but continuing to repeat, "You are apple" again in a louder and louder tone. She looked quite upset. While repeating this, she raised her left hand and reached high up in the air. She also lifted her head and shoulders off the bed as if she was trying to get up. I didn't know what to think. I was amazed at her physical abilities but I was upset that she seemed upset. I kept saying, "I am Betty, Suzie." After a while, I just resigned to said, "Ok. I am apple."

After 10 minutes, I decided to leave. As I walk by the nurses' station in tears, two nurses asked why I was leaving. I told them that I did not want to upset Suzie and tire her out. They asked me if I could stay longer and told me that I was not upsetting Suzie. They said that she cries when she is alone. So I turned around and headed back into her room. I ended up staying for another hour. That hour flew by.

Upon seeing me again, Suzie smiled and said, "You came. You came." Then my waterworks started again. I told her that she looked awesome. She then repeatedly said, "You are awesome." After a while, it became a question. "You are awesome?" I told her that she is amazing. She said, "You are amazing?" It was as if she was trying out the phrases. As I talked to her, she smiled a lot. I could tell that she understood me as she responded with facial expressions. She also made a few attempts to ask me some questions.

Suzie is there and can understand me. She might be having trouble controlling what's coming out of her mouth and she's very frustrated with trying to find words to express herself but definitely she can understand me. I find it similar to someone learning a second language. If someone speaks to you in that language, you can pick up what they are saying but it'll be a lot more difficult for you to speak back in that language. She probably keeps repeating "apple" because it is one of the words she's learning during therapy. I told her not to get so frustrated with herself. She can't expect to learn to talk in one day. At one point, she asked, "Are you anal?" then laughed at herself because I don't think that's what she really meant to ask me.

She cried and said again, "You came. You came."

I said, "Of course I came. I couldn't wait to come. I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier but I was sick."

She paused and asked, "Are....you....better?" Then gave a small laugh for managing to get that question out.

I sat quietly with her while she drifted in and out of sleep. Before I left, I told her that I'll try to stop in tomorrow. If I can't make it tomorrow, I'll definitely be there on Sunday. She asked, "Promise?" Oh, I'll be there tomorrow.

I told her that I was turning off the radio so that she can get some rest. She said, "Oh-kay". It made me smile because she said it in the same tone that my 21 month old son says, "okay".

As I left, Suzie looked well. I was amazed with all I saw and heard. We were both smiling.